I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
