I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
