Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
