I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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