I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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