i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
