woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
