Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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