I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
