Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
