I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
