Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
