Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
do nipples grow back?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
