The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
