So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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