and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone shattered a urinal.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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