You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
