dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
