How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
