Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need moral support for this bender
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
