My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
