we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
