i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I need to stop coming to work sober
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
