I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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