Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
