I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
