Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
