Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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