Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
North Korea, Best Korea!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
