just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
