The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
