i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
