Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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