Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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