I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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