saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
