i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
