We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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