how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
