Me. At least after what I've been through.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
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i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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