is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
