how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
