I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
