Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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