im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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