She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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