From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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