Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
