they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im six kinds of drunk right now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
