I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
