so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
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god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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