Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
