You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
