That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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