If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
