dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
