My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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