wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't put those talents on a resume
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
