Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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