just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
