i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
