all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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