It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
