He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
