how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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