My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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