either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
