We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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