I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
