I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
