All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
